I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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