did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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