If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
