I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
