Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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