pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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