marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
