If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
