My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
