im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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