this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
