Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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