Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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