I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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