she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
