So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize