Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
