dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
