These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
