when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What drink are we having for lunch?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
