I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
