nut hugger
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
