I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
