in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
