i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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