so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
