I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
