you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
