i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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