we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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