Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The air was thick with penises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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