I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i came on her dog
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
