hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
