Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
