Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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