You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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