Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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