sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
