I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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