I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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