Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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