I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
