i think my tv is drunk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
