I'm going to rape someone's good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
