and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
