Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
