My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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