I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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