You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
