plz talk dirty to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
