Swine flu. Run for my life!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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