Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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(310): View more from California

She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?

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(618): View more from Illinois

You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

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(818): View more from California

I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

You fucker.

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(702): View more from Nevada

you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.

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