That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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