walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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