I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
