I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
