It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
