Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize