i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
