I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk is not a location!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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