she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
