My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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