I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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