belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
