Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize