I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
