Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
