Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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