So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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