Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
