Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
