This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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