What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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