so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
