Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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