New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sext me about skeletons
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
